In my role as President of Guardian Nurses (these last 23 years!), I’ve had the privilege of speaking with patients and families as they navigate the complicated realities of our healthcare system.
One theme I hear again and again is this: many adults today—regardless of gender—are caring in both directions. They are helping aging parents manage appointments, medications, and difficult medical decisions while still supporting children, grandchildren, spouses, and everyone in between. Somewhere along the way, they have become the family’s emergency contact, scheduler, advocate, and decision-maker.
It is a role rooted in love, but it can also be emotionally and physically draining.
This month’s issue of The Flameis dedicated to those who are carrying that responsibility—often quietly, often without realizing how much of themselves they are giving away in the process. If that sounds familiar, I hope this issue offers both reassurance and a gentle reminder that your health matters, too.
— Betty Long, RN, MHA, President/CEO, Guardian Nurses Health Advocates
There comes a point in life when you realize you’ve somehow become the family’s unofficial Chief Medical Officer.
The phone rings, and it’s a parent asking whether that new medication can be taken with breakfast. A text comes in from an adult child wondering if a sore throat needs urgent care. Someone needs help finding a specialist. Someone else needs a ride to a follow-up appointment. And somewhere in the middle of all of that, you glance at your own calendar and remember—wasn’t I supposed to schedule my annual physical three months ago?
Welcome to what many call the sandwich generation: adults who are simultaneously caring for aging parents and supporting children or grandchildren, all while managing careers, households, and the thousand moving pieces of everyday life.
It’s a season of life that can feel both meaningful and exhausting.
For many women especially, this role arrives so naturally that we barely stop to name it. We are the ones who know where everyone’s insurance cards are. We remember the names of the specialists, the medication list, the follow-up date, and which pharmacy is open late.
Somewhere along the way, we became the keeper of everyone’s health information.
And while there is love in that role, there is also weight.
The emotional labor of caregiving often shows up quietly—in interrupted sleep, constant low-level worry, decision fatigue, and the feeling that someone always needs something from you. It’s no surprise that caregivers frequently put their own health on the back burner.
Here’s the irony: the person coordinating everyone else’s care is often the least likely to seek care for themselves.
If this sounds familiar, consider this your gentle April reminder: you belong on the list, too.
Spring is a natural time to take stock. Just as we open the windows and clear out closets, it may be the perfect moment to do a little health housekeeping of your own:
A quick caregiver self-check
- Have you scheduled your own annual physical?
- Are your routine screenings up to date?
- When was your last eye exam or dental visit?
- Are you sleeping well?
- Have you been ignoring symptoms because “there’s just no time”?
Sometimes the most powerful act of caregiving is protecting the person doing the caregiving.
That means asking for help when you need it. Share responsibilities with siblings or other family members when possible. Keep a shared note on your smart phone with medication lists, appointment dates, and provider names so the burden doesn’t rest entirely on one set of shoulders.
It also means giving yourself permission to say, “I can’t do this alone.” Because here’s the truth: no one should have to carry an entire family’s healthcare concerns by themselves.
And if you’ve ever found yourself scheduling your father’s cardiology appointment while forgetting your own follow-up, please know—you are in very good company.
The good news is that small steps can make a difference. One appointment. One walk outside. One evening of actual rest. One honest conversation with family members about sharing the load.
Caregiving is one of the most loving things we do.
But caring for others should never come at the expense of caring for yourself. This month, as everything outside begins to bloom again, perhaps it’s time to extend a little of that renewal inward.
After all, even the family’s Chief Medical Officer needs preventive care.