Thirty years ago today, May 23rd, my mom died after a four month "battle" with what doctors said was liver cancer.  Now that I know a little more (well, kind of…), I'm thinking it may have been pancreatic cancer.  Still, 30 years ago today.  So officially, I've been alive longer without my mom than with her.  A strange truth.

Losing her did change my life.  In many ways.  The most obvious now is that one year after her death I went to nursing school and have been working as a nurse since 1986.  That decision, going to nursing school, might be just the most positive reality that came out of my lowest moment.   I have always been proud of being a nurse, never once thought "why did I do this?"   And that's all pretty much because of mom's death.  I've often said, "I certainly am happy to be a nurse, I just wish I didn't have to lose my mom to get there."

I'm changed in many other ways, too.  Some positive, some not so.  It was hard to lose my mom when I was 23 years old. Even now I feel like just a little piece of me is missing.  Guess I've felt that way ever since she died. 

Thirty years ago.  Wow.  That's a really long time.

Miss you, Mom.